"Cycling is more about sex than anything. Anytime anything is between your legs and your heart rate is above two hundred it's basically sex. You might as well be having sex.

"When was the last time you had sex? I had sex this morning pedaling down here. I was listening to 1980s Chicago House music and I was panting and groaning and sweating and my tiny little heart was racing and was so excited. When you're sweating, legs trembling, moaning -- ugh, ugh, ugh, ragh, gah, ugh, ugh -- like that, is that not sex? Oh, c'mon. Don't look at me like that. We;re wearing skintight outfits. Some of us are half naked and showing out nipples. It's sex. There are naked bike rides in Europe, too. Perfectly legal. I had an orgasm coming down here to meet you. Figuratively, metaphorically, I had an orgasm. No, what the heck? I'm not sexually attracted to my bike. You know, some people ride with butt plugs. Not me, but I know a guy. It is a beautiful thing and I'm getting really horny right now just thinking abour riding, but I'm not like a... A cyclophile. Yeah, I think that's a word. A velophile. No, I'm just a nymph. A little cycling nymphomaniac. A cyclomaniac. A velonymph. Don't look at me like that. I don't need to defend myself. I'm just a horny person and I happen to be a cyclist. It's not my fault. It's how God made me. Cycling is about sex and freedom. The last time we did a double century together, I cried. And I always cry during sex."

"I can't say I disagree."

"You get me. You udnerstand my soul. We're soulmates."

"Though, I can't say I agree either."

"You don't feel sexy when we ride together?"

"No. No, I don't get turned on by the thought of riding with other people."

"You're doing it wrong then. So wrong. When you and me are riding together, or when we're out in a group with our other velonymphs-"

"Don't."

"When it's you and me and ten other people riding down the road together, sweating and huffing and puffing together, it's basically an orgy."

"Uhm."

"It's an orgy. You're a velonymph and you don't even know it."

"Highly doubtful."

"Then what is cycling to you? If it's not about sex, why cycle at all? Why did God give us bikes? Promethus gave us fire, Eros gave us road bikes. It's a known fact."

"Cycling is simple. It's just about getting exercise and hanging out with friends."

"So, it's not pleasurable?"

"I won't say it's not. It's fun, but pleasurable? I don't know."

"And what is sex to you? Pleasurable. And exercise. Sex is simply pleasurable exercise. You get it now. When I look back at you after we tackle a steep incline, you smile at me."

"It's just a look. It's a courtesy. We're best friends."

"Sexual desire is not a simple courtesy. It's an indelible infatuation and instantly recognizable. You can be sexually attracted to your friends. It happens all the time."

"A smile is not infatuation."

"Yes it is. When you grin or smirk at me, whatever it is that your lips and eyes do after an intense sprint or climb, it's a very sexual thing. It's very sexy. Sometimes you can be very sexy."

"Sex is about procreation. Humans have and desire sex because they want to continue their DNA and prolong the human race."

"That's all archiac. We're modern sapiens in a modern society. Those are old ideas of an old time, and we're not old people. We're velonymphs."

"Don't. But it's still our instinct whether or not you agree. It still applies."

"But cavemen and cavewomen didn't have bikes. Poor bastards. And besides, if sex today is about procreation, why do we have ways to make it recreation? We have ways today to connect and date and have sex as easy as it is getting on a bike. Even my university has its own app to connect and have meaningless, pleasurable, wonderful, nameless sexual exercise."

"Hmm."

"Isn't there a dating app for cyclists?"

"I've gone on dates with people I've connected with on Strava."

"Exactly. Cycling is sex. Sex is cycling. To cycle is to sex. They're inseperable. Atomic in their bondage. Sex is BDSM. Once a month we go out and do a century, one hundred miles, that's masochism."

"Hmm."

"Say it. I'm a velonymph and I'm proud."

"I'm not going to say that."

"I'm a velonymph and I'm proud!"

"You're a freak."

"When I say velo, you say nymph. Velo!"

"People are staring."

"Nymph! Velo!"

"You won't let me leave until I say it, right?"

"Say it. For me. I love you. Say it for me. And I'll love you forver."

"We can't be friends."

"World, we're velonymphs and we're proud!"

"I'm doing this just to make you happy."

"You make me happy just by existing."

"I'm a velonymph. And I'm undecided about my pride regarding it."

"If we weren't in public I'd cry. Look, I'm crying. We're two peas in a pod. A very sexy pod. A sex dungeon pod."

"About that."

"We should get a tandem bike. You and me, riding next to the beach, the sun setting. It would be a wonderful and romantic thing."

"After this conversation I'll never ride with you again."

"Velonymphs."

"Velonymphs. I hate myself."