"They took all of it."

He sighed.

"They took all of it?."

She sighed.

"How much is all of it?"

"Thirty thousand."

Thirty thousand dollars. She thumbed the sum in her mind.

"Oh, honey." She wrapped her arms around the base of his body and he slunk himself deeper into their dusty and faded couch. "I still don't fully understand. I thought they were non-fungible? Can't you just get your NFTs back?"

"Well, they are, technically. But once they're transferred out of my wallet..." He said softly, "There's basically nothing I can do. Transactions are available on the blockchain ledger but addresses are anonymous. It's."

"Futile."

"Futile. Like my penis."

They sat for a moment. He wallowed. She listened to his desperate breaths.

"Honey, this was supposed to be our new start. We were going to move out of this apartment and I would buy you that bed."

"Memory foam?"

"California King memory foam. Space-age, NASA developed memory foam. Anti-back pain memory foam." She shifted her weight. "I'm sorry I'm such a damned fool."

"You're not a fool."

"I'm a damned fool and I trust too easily."

"You do trust too easily."

"I'm a damned fool with a big nose and a perfect bike."

"It is a nice nose, and it is a nice bike."

When she agreed with him on these small things it made him smile. And so he smiled. He turned to kiss her and together they looked at the black road bike leaning against the wall. It was more a sculpture, in this late-afternoon light, than a bicycle. Hand laid carbon fiber frame, aerodynamic wheels, wireless japanese transmission, wind-tunnel tested handlebars and the same handlebar tapegrip used by famous cyclist Hansel Joy-Saint Malibu. The fastest man in the world on two wheels and international supermodel; winner of the Arachni d'Tokyo seven times in a row. Later tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and stripped of his titles though he was still a handsome brute and inspiration to many.

"Darling."

"Darling?"

"What would Hansel Joy-Saint Malibu do?"

"Whatever it takes."

"Whatever it takes?"

"Mm." He was silent. "I can make you a cup of coffee. If you'd like."

He kissed her.

"Dex wants to meet up."

"To talk?"

"Mm. I just want to fill him in and feel miserable and make him feel miserable."

"What if Dex was the one that took your cryptos and jpegs?"

"I'd have him flayed and I'd drag his body around the town like Achilles did Hector."

"On your bike."

"On my perfect bike."

At the door to their small apartment they kissed. He wheeled his bike through the hallway, carried it down the stairs, and started off into the warm day. She set to make herself a cup of coffee and looked up a few videos to better understand cryptocurrencies and blockchain technology.

"They took all of it."

Dex choked on his coffee.

"They took all of it? All of it, all of it? As in, everything?"

"They stripped me of all my titles, Dex."

Outside, they mulled in silence. The two sipped on their coffees in unison. The day was unfortunately beautiful for such sad news. Dex enjoyed the air and the coffee was delightful.

"What did Val say?"

"She didn't really know what to say."

"Well, losing two million dollars of crypto -- well, anything really -- is a fucking disaster. A calamity. You really look like the saddest bastard i'd seen." He didn't reply. "Bastard."

"What?"

"You fucking bastard. You didn't tell her."

"I did. I did. Just not how much."

"Just. Not. How. Much. Oh, Bardley boy. Fucking Bardley."

He looked down in the dark void of his coffee and seeing in his own reflection a tiredness and guilt.

"Fucking me. I'll tell her, I will."

Dexter nodded.

"How did they do it?"

"Fuck. I had a small transaction in limbo from one of the on-ramps."

"BDx5M?" Bardley nodded. "Fuck BDx5M."

"When this happened before the transaction got flagged and manually approved. I was going to convert fiat USD to BTC to Breast-Milk Token to buy an NFT from the Phat AZN Ass and Louis Vuitton collaboration collection while the prices dipped. Hold it for awhile and make a ton of money on a swing. So, I messaged their support account on LyttleByrd."

"You fucking idiot."

"They don't have a support account on LyttleByrd. They, whoever the fuck it was, the scammer asked to sync my wallet and. As soon as I synced I realized what was happening but they took it all by then."

"Including the Bella Dolphine Gamer Girl Bathwater NFT?"

Bardley nodded.

"Acid Gorilla-Rhino-Centaur Guerilla ProtoFrankenstein Prototype?"

Bardley nodded.

"Azz Clappers First Edition Holographic Atomi Shuri VR Bad Dragon Charizard?"

"You probably shouldn't say that so loud." Dexter said it at a comfortable volume and the patrons of the cafe were thankful.

"Did you scream?"

"I screamed like King Priam watching Hector's body being dragged around the Gates of Troy."

"Satoshi please help this small man. If I didn't feel so sorry for you I'd rescue Val from your miasama and steal her away to Appalachia. Buy a nice cabin in the woods and ski and study butterflies and birds for the rest of my days."

"Buy her a memory foam mattress and I'd let you."

He held the lukewarm cup of coffee in his hands, lifting it slowly to sip every few minutes. He rested his arm on the seat of his bike, keeping it close the same way a small child does a blanket. Some time passed. The cafe cascaded with small parades of people as they floated through, the volume of the venue rising and falling like a tide. Dex reached into his bag and pulled out a pen and checkbook.

"I don't want to do this, you know."

"I'm going to buy it back from you. As soon as I get my two million and memory foam mattress and big body Mercedes Benz coupe and a new condo and more."

"I really, really don't want to do this. I kind of want to do this."

Dex wrote casually onto the paper a small fortune of eleven thousand dollars and signed his name in a simple and unfettered plain font. In the memo field he wrote 'FOR REAL ART'. He tore the check from the binding and held it to the warm air allowing the ink to dry. They both looked at the treasure as it shifted hands. Without seeing the sum, Bardley folded the piece of paper worth thousands of dollars in half and stuffed it into his back pocket.

"If this bounces I will drag your body around the perimeter of the Arts District like Achilles' Hector."

"Scammed twice in one day? Only you, Bardley, the Greatest of Geeks." It really was a very clever thing to say and in typing this out I'm quite impressed. "Bard, what's the difference between trusting a piece of paper with some writing on it and the value of digital currency?"

"None, Dex. There is no difference."

"And, if you think about it, Dexter is kind of close to Hector."

"I'm a sad fool with nothing to lose. Don't tempt me."

They completed their date discussing strategies to make Bardley his money back. The general tone was that of determination and optimism. Once he finished his coffee, Dexter stood.

"Are you going to watch me leave like an idiot thinking his life is a movie?"

Dex mounted the black bike and straddled the top bar between his legs. He rested his hand on Bardley's shoulder and peddled away easily. His silhouette in the setting sun was something beautiful and the bike looked very fast. As fast as a scammer and as swift as a shadow. A fantastic shadow. A shadow forged from the dying light of Daedalus' forge, calmed by the winds of Everest's peak. And, as Dex turned the corner never looking back, it was now an illusion conjured by the child's despair having lost his favorite and most precious toy. He sighed something heavy and walked into the cafe. Bardley picked out a handsome loaf of sourdough and some french butter, paid for it with paper money and some morsel of regret, and began walking back to Valerie whom he loves.